BERKELEY, CA—In a new investigate that explores a potentially dire effects of unreasoning caffeine expenditure when total with life-altering news, researchers during a University of California, Berkeley reliable Tuesday that coffee drinkers are during a dramatically increasing risk of carrying their mugs pile-up to a building in delayed suit on conference their father has died. “We’ve found poignant justification that celebration even one crater of coffee daily exposes we to increasing risk of your mop solemnly descending from your unexpected routine grasp in a moments after we learn of your father’s black passing—whether from a weeping family member, a kind-faced military officer during your doorstep, or a internal TV anchor narrating over footage of your dad’s automobile being pulled from a water,” pronounced lead researcher Marie Romero, who remarkable a plunging mop is partial of a list of symptoms that includes all going wordless as a mouth solemnly forms a word “nooooo.” “Our investigate indicates that coffee drinkers are a many expected to be impressed by memories of their father as their mugs shatter, forgotten, during their feet, swelling coffee opposite a white tile, a heartrending sign of a infirmity of life and a suddenness with that all can change forever.” The investigate also found that tea drinkers have a genetic proclivity to conflict to their fathers’ remarkable flitting by solemnly fixation their crater behind in a saucer, kindly thanking a dispatcher of a awful news, display them out of a study, and sensitively though resolutely shutting a door.